Even fuckwads need a goal…

When I was young I lived my life from day to day…and by young I mean 21-30. I had two kids, one a Papa Don’t Preach baby, and although I attended college briefly and had a pretty good job, my main goals in life were to pay off my credit cards and keep from getting slapped in the face that week by fuckwad ex husband.

I did a bunch of stupid shit! Had a few affairs, spent too much money, declared bankruptcy, got a DUI, Oh, I had a few lofty ambitions—was going to write a book, was going to go to law school, was going to shoot my hubby in the head, but,without a real plan of action, these were just thoughts in my head, not actual goals.

When I divorced and moved south to the Texas Hill Country Promiseland, even my lofty ambitions fell to the wayside a bit, while I struggled to make sure and drink, party and have as much fun as possible. Damn, was I good at that! The only goals I truly attained was running every day and fitting into the jeans I wore when I got prego with kid # 1 and having the bartender at the local Dive Bar start my jack n coke as I walked through the door.

But, SLIK came along and my world changed… I completely believe, and will always believe, God gave me this child to straighten my ass up…and it pretty much worked! I’ve fucked up a few times since then, but mostly been a non fuckwad!

My goals, slowly but surely became realities— college, career, freelance writing, actual hobbies of my own, taking my birth control every day, going to counseling once a week, not wanting to shoot the ex in the head, not having sex for 4 years….

WTF—I was a success!!!!

But, lately I’ve had to acknowledge a few failures… lost two good friends; lost another good friend; lets see, what else? Oh,yeah—I got fired from a job I truly truly loved.

WTF – I am a FUCKWAD!

So, based on my latest fuckwad status, I felt it imperative to make some new goals—ambitions, with a real plan of action.

No particular order:

I will beat the final level of Resident Evil IV many of you may think Zombie killing is just a ridiculous escape, but studies have shown that when the zombie apocalypse happens, those with zombie killing video game experience will be the true heroes.

I will tweet 20,000 times in 2011. Tweeting is no longer a pastime for me. It is a goal. I’ve broken down the daily amount of tweets I must tweet to be successful.

I will have 500, non-spam followers. Why this is important to me I have no idea, but it seems important to others in the twitteruniverse, so I thought I would try it and see if there are some kind of magical twitter rewards, like maybe a virtual beer?

I will own 10,000 songs I have 7,000. I have a ways to go, but I think this can be done. The first step is to find someone who owns three thousand songs I don’t own and beg them to give them to me. Currently, I am busy listening to Pandora and checking out new bands as often as possible. I know I can do it!!!

I will get all my laundry done once again, I have broken down how many loads of laundry I must wash, dry and fold per day to get this done. Once the Resident Evil goal is completed, this will be my next priority.

I will watch all the 161 movies/tv shows in my Netflix Queue One important purchase I have made since being fired is updating my Netflix to 3 movies. Not sure how I could possibly make this goal without this important purchase. In order to achieve this,I created a new Netflix account (non paid) to add new titles to. It would suck to get off track. I am seriously considoring putting a tv beside a tv so I can play Resident Evil at the same time I watch a movie.

I will win 20 games of WWF I love this game, but I suck at it. Once I am down by 50 points I give up. And, I always rush to make the first word I see and then realize I could have made the same word using a triple point score spot. In other words, I suck. In order to achieve this goal I am memorizing the Q, Z and two letter words.

I will watch every Dallas Cowboys game; last year I missed 2. This year, that WILL NOT happen.

I will keep up with college football better. I was so disappointed last year I gave up mid season. However,the TCU game was one of the best games ever!

These are the main goals for the moment. I have a nagging thought that I have missed one or two important, and perhaps attainable goals…but I can’t really think of what they could be…

Any thoughts?

In summary – I need a fucking job; I am becoming a no-life fuckwad.

I’m pissed because – people don’t understand that my blog is sarcastic. My life ain’t miserable, it’s just fucked up! I like to see the humor in it!

I’m thankful for – zombies, what the hell would I do all day without them?