Even fuckwads need a goal…

When I was young I lived my life from day to day…and by young I mean 21-30. I had two kids, one a Papa Don’t Preach baby, and although I attended college briefly and had a pretty good job, my main goals in life were to pay off my credit cards and keep from getting slapped in the face that week by fuckwad ex husband.

I did a bunch of stupid shit! Had a few affairs, spent too much money, declared bankruptcy, got a DUI, Oh, I had a few lofty ambitions—was going to write a book, was going to go to law school, was going to shoot my hubby in the head, but,without a real plan of action, these were just thoughts in my head, not actual goals.

When I divorced and moved south to the Texas Hill Country Promiseland, even my lofty ambitions fell to the wayside a bit, while I struggled to make sure and drink, party and have as much fun as possible. Damn, was I good at that! The only goals I truly attained was running every day and fitting into the jeans I wore when I got prego with kid # 1 and having the bartender at the local Dive Bar start my jack n coke as I walked through the door.

But, SLIK came along and my world changed… I completely believe, and will always believe, God gave me this child to straighten my ass up…and it pretty much worked! I’ve fucked up a few times since then, but mostly been a non fuckwad!

My goals, slowly but surely became realities— college, career, freelance writing, actual hobbies of my own, taking my birth control every day, going to counseling once a week, not wanting to shoot the ex in the head, not having sex for 4 years….

WTF—I was a success!!!!

But, lately I’ve had to acknowledge a few failures… lost two good friends; lost another good friend; lets see, what else? Oh,yeah—I got fired from a job I truly truly loved.


So, based on my latest fuckwad status, I felt it imperative to make some new goals—ambitions, with a real plan of action.

No particular order:

I will beat the final level of Resident Evil IV many of you may think Zombie killing is just a ridiculous escape, but studies have shown that when the zombie apocalypse happens, those with zombie killing video game experience will be the true heroes.

I will tweet 20,000 times in 2011. Tweeting is no longer a pastime for me. It is a goal. I’ve broken down the daily amount of tweets I must tweet to be successful.

I will have 500, non-spam followers. Why this is important to me I have no idea, but it seems important to others in the twitteruniverse, so I thought I would try it and see if there are some kind of magical twitter rewards, like maybe a virtual beer?

I will own 10,000 songs I have 7,000. I have a ways to go, but I think this can be done. The first step is to find someone who owns three thousand songs I don’t own and beg them to give them to me. Currently, I am busy listening to Pandora and checking out new bands as often as possible. I know I can do it!!!

I will get all my laundry done once again, I have broken down how many loads of laundry I must wash, dry and fold per day to get this done. Once the Resident Evil goal is completed, this will be my next priority.

I will watch all the 161 movies/tv shows in my Netflix Queue One important purchase I have made since being fired is updating my Netflix to 3 movies. Not sure how I could possibly make this goal without this important purchase. In order to achieve this,I created a new Netflix account (non paid) to add new titles to. It would suck to get off track. I am seriously considoring putting a tv beside a tv so I can play Resident Evil at the same time I watch a movie.

I will win 20 games of WWF I love this game, but I suck at it. Once I am down by 50 points I give up. And, I always rush to make the first word I see and then realize I could have made the same word using a triple point score spot. In other words, I suck. In order to achieve this goal I am memorizing the Q, Z and two letter words.

I will watch every Dallas Cowboys game; last year I missed 2. This year, that WILL NOT happen.

I will keep up with college football better. I was so disappointed last year I gave up mid season. However,the TCU game was one of the best games ever!

These are the main goals for the moment. I have a nagging thought that I have missed one or two important, and perhaps attainable goals…but I can’t really think of what they could be…

Any thoughts?

In summary – I need a fucking job; I am becoming a no-life fuckwad.

I’m pissed because – people don’t understand that my blog is sarcastic. My life ain’t miserable, it’s just fucked up! I like to see the humor in it!

I’m thankful for – zombies, what the hell would I do all day without them?

About Jodi B

Proud 5th Generation Texan who loves good music, good people, good food and fun. Love to travel the state with my friends and kids. I believe the culture of Texas is great because of its diversification, but people are losing and forgetting who we are as a place. Texas is much more than a place, it is a character that embodies independence, friendliness, history and pride. Who we are individually as Texans is who the world collectively views Texas. Be the spirit and the essence of the place we have pride in. View all posts by Jodi B

One response to “Even fuckwads need a goal…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: